Amy M discusses everyone’s current obsession, Making A Murderer, in particular those two delicious looking lawyers who should be given jobs on The Good Wife ASAP. Contains spoilers and filth, beware!
Like the rest of the world, I binged Netflix’s Making A Murderer in a hot weekend. The title had me terrified, the first episode had me hooked, and Steven Avery’s lawyers had me in love like it was 1991 and they were Zack and Slater and I was learning what fantasies were for the first time (TMI?). Falling in love with Dean Strang and Jerry Buting is by no means exclusive to me — hell, the whole of Twitter went into meltdown over #MakingAMurderer, once the initial shock of the terrifying events of the documentary had sunk in. But I couldn’t let my latest crush pass without documenting it, particularly as these two hotties didn’t set out to be wank-worthy.
Part of the reason that viewers love Dean Strang and Jerry Buting so much, at least I think, is because they so tirelessly fought to defend a man who was presumed guilty which, from the off, was unconstitutional. The way that Strang and Buting tore through the evidence, taking evenings in their shared lounge wearing casual V-necks and faded high-waisted denim, was not only proof that they were amazing lawyers, constantly preparing their case, it also showed that they are hot at work and at home.
This appreciation is in no way meant to detract from the fact that the stories of Steven Avery and Brendan Dassey as told in Making A Murderer are completely compelling. Though it’s unlikely anyone will ever know the truth in the Teresa Halbach case, I was completely shocked, particularly by the lack of substantial evidence on the Dassey and Avery (especially the supposed mysterious disappearance of Halbach’s blood). It was terrifying to see the legal system presume guilt, appear to coax confessions, and mistreat a teenager with a low IQ who seemed to have little idea what he was involved in, and also claimed he’d based his confession on the book Kiss The Girls.
While I’m not about to get embroiled in the subreddit dedicated to solving the Teresa Halbach murder, though more power to all those individuals who are keen to examine evidence and alibis that the police were not, how fucking shady were Teresa Halbach’s ex-boyfriend and brother? How exactly did her ex know the location so precisely they should start their search for Teresa? And why were Halbach’s brother, ex, and housemate logging in to her phone’s voicemail, from which messages were allegedly deleted? I digress, as I really can’t get into it, as I like sleeping too much, and the show has me freaked.
Instead, I am going to celebrate how hot these two lawyers are. What will this achieve? Not much, you might think. But Jerry Buting and Dean Strang, as well as being aesthetically pleasing, are so concerned with justice it makes me wet. Sure, they want to exonerate their client of the crimes he’s accused of, but the sheer dedication they exude when doing so makes them the exact sort of men my mom wants me to end up with (I can end up with two men, right?).
It might seem unlikely that a pair of lawyers in a documentary would generate so much adulation, and make a generation of Netflix viewers THIS HORNY, but if anything positive has come out of Making A Murderer, a truly miserable, haunting and scary, gut-twisting fuck-up of a show, it’s knowing that there are people in the world so dedicated to justice, and making the law fair, that they’re not only totally fuckable, they’re also just solid human beings.
Like I said, I’m not belittling Steven Avery and Brendan Dassey in any way, and the fact that the evidence against them both is so fucking scarce is a fucking tragedy of Matt Damon proportions. All I can say is, thank fuck there are people in the world like Dean Strang and Jerry Buting, who will do every fucking thing they can to fight a corrupt system, who will continue talking about the cases they lost and how they’re haunted by it years later, who don’t seem to know how motherfucking beautiful they are inside and out. Sure, they lost, and that sucks. But they never gave up. And look what they sparked (along with filmmakers Laura Ricciardi and Moira Demos) in getting the world talking about a subject they’re passionate about, and looking fucking fit as they do so. Jerry Buting and Dean Strang can defend me any day, amongst other things. Just sayin’. Inbox me anytime lads — I’m waiting.
Amy Mackelden (a.k.a. July 2061) is a writer based on the Isle of Wight. She’s an Entertainment Briefer at Bustle, and has written for heat magazine, New Statesman online, Kinkly, Witty Bitches, xoJane and Hello Giggles. She won a Northern Promise Award from New Writing North in 2011 and a New Buds Award from New Writing South in 2015. She’s one of the co-founders of poetry magazine Butcher’s Dog, and has made two spoken word/theatre shows, The 8 Fatal Mistakes of Online Dating (& How To Avoid Them), & Retail. She’s currently working on her next show, MS is my boyfriend, about life with multiple sclerosis.