As everyone knows (even my Dad at this point) Adele released a new single. I’d be lying if I said the Clarissa writers were excited about Adele’s long-awaited album and single, but each to their own, yeah? While mainstream-misery-music isn’t really our bag, we can appreciate a tune when we hear one. “Someone Like You,” for instance, is a masterclass in examining a relationship you can’t get over. However, the video for “Hello” seems to be a smorgasbord of clichés ripe for unpicking.
“Hello” is apparently not about an ex-boyfriend, which is why they cast Tristan Wilds, that fit-as-fuck hottie of 90210 and The Wire glory, as her ex-boyfriend. But the song is definitely a part of her forthcoming “make-up record” 25. And not about an ex. OK, yeah, if you say so! You’re the boss. Like, literally. Adele just smashed Taylor Swift’s 24-Hour Vevo record. Apparently you freaks watched that masterpiece of cinematography 27.7 million times in the first day. What the actual fuck! I thought more of you.
Because we love you, and because someone had to do it, we watched the video for “Hello” a few times and made gifs of the entire fucking thing. Why would we do that? So that we can examine every single cliché in it, of course! Enjoy or cry, whichever feels best.
- Dead bugs on a windowsill. We get it. This shit is OLD.
2. A car driving up a long windy road.
3. “I ain’t got no signal!” We’ve all been there.
4. “Sorry I can’t hear you.” *Shuts that flip phone like a basic bitch*
5. Rip that dusty dirty sheet from the window. It’s time to let some light in, yo!
6. This house is as old and dusty as my vagina.
7. Turn that gas hob on! What is electricity?
8. I love a metal kettle you have to wait fucking ages for.
9. Steam. Wow.
10. A gently poured brew because Adele’s British.
11. Window netting like Nanna used to have.
12. Old documents. Maybes do some shredding, yeah?
13. “Everyone loves an old landline,” said people who’d been watching too much Mad Men.
14. Got to get our money’s worth out of this landline. Cost us twenty quid on eBay. Or we found it in a bin. Either/or!
15. Nothing spells a break-up like walking away slowly in the rain.
16. Love is making your partner eat your cooking out of the pan because you can’t be fucked to dish up.
17. Zoom in. I’m gonna proper go for it.
18. Lurk in the shadows like a sad creepo.
19. Get your hands all over his face to prove you were in the same room at least once.
20. Express shock! Think of Gary Barlow if you have to!
21. Let’s bung some more walking away in the rain in, so people get they broke up, yeah?
22. We’re shooting the video in Canada, but let’s get an old overgrown British telephone box, because ADELE’S FROM ENGLAND.
23. This phone box is truly a piece of art!
24. FUCKING LOVE THIS PHONE BOX!!!!!!
25. Someone needs to hang that phone up, like. Something deep and meaningful about not being able to make that all important call.
28. Sing to the sky like it’s your biggest fan!
29. Take a walk in a field and chill the fuck out. Everyone finds nature relaxing, right? Except for me. I fucking hate the outdoors. But who even am I?
30. Can you get mad in the rain so it’s really, really, reallllllly clear you broke up. Even though this is not a break-up video. You broke up, OK?
31. Did he just say fuck? He did! He just said fuck!
33. Sniff your fingers.
34. You’re in prison. You’re in a glass case of emotion!
35. Your head really hurts.
36. You’re sat on the staircase feeling a bit sad.
37. Time to invest in an umbrella.
38. Close your eyes. It means more.
39. You’re alone. On an island. And there’s a wind machine.
41. Reach through the screen and rip the viewers’ fucking hearts out!
42. Hair in mouth. Hair in mouth. Spit it out!
44. Put the phone down. So everyone knows that it’s over.
45. Peek out the window all stalky-like.
46. Bitch stole my flip phone! Hanging up like a boss.
47. Close the curtains. It’s done.
48. Rest your head. It’s been a taxing time.
BONUS ROUND: This hottie! ❤
Watch the full video below if you can be fucked!
Images: AdeleVEVO/YouTube (52)