“Hello, it’s the 90s! You’ve gotta be careful!”

dawson scream

Created by Kevin Williamson, writer of Scream, I Know What You Did Last Summer, and a bunch of other terrifying-for-the-wrong-reason stuff, it must’ve seemed like an awesome idea to make a Halloween episode of the Creek.scare bed

The episode was apparently so scary it was banned from the 6.30pm slot DC originally inhabited on Channel 4 before segwaying into weekend breakfast television hell.

The episode starts with Joey and Dawson watching IKWYDLS on Dawson’s bed. Some of his Spielberg posters have been replaced by Williamson horror classics. Jason Vorhees’ mask is hanging on the bed post. Joey is shit-scared. Dawson finds this hilarious. She switches over to Jerry Maguire, gets so engrossed waiting for that Hello moment she doesn’t notice Dawson disappear from RIGHT NEXT TO HER. Seriously woman, haven’t you seen Tom Cruise before? LOL.tommy

Dawson puts on the hockey mask and hides under the bed with a torch. the scareThe first of many scares in this aptly titled episode. (It’s called The Scare, nacho.)

A lady-killer is on the loose in Capeside and Dawson has planned a Halloween séance. He terrifies his friends with plastic skulls in lockers, fake spiders/snakes, timed blackouts. He invites Jen’s new beau to the party just to make things interesting.

Jen gets stalked a la Scream, gets the Drew Barrymore phone call, scott fcomplete with the “What’s your favourite scary movie?” question. She picks up a knife to defend herself and checks the cupboards, almost knifing Gran in the process. Turns out the creepy phone calls were Scott Foley’s idea of flirting. Srsly dude.

In the only remotely scary twist, a man approaches Joey at the gas station and asks her where she lives. He’s smooth, attractive, confident, is scared off by Dawson because how dare you talk to his BFF. Later it turns out the man is the ladykiller and Joey was to be his next victim. khWhat a different show this could’ve become (so many missed opportunities – showrunners take note from the ideas DREAM TEAM).

would you shed any tears if I diedThe editing is so supremely bad, it fades out a scare to go to ad break. There’s zero tension. And the following exchange ends the episode.
Joey: “Would you be sad if I died?”
Dawson: “Are you kidding? I would be heartbroken. How about you? Would you shed a tear if I died?”
Joey: “Yes, of course.”
screamghostfaceAll is right in the universe. Who the fuck are these freaks?

What have I learned?
Lesson #1: You can’t make a Scream homage without a death count.
Lesson #2: Halloween is super heartwarming. I’m, like, tearing up you guys. Pass me a hockey mask, pronto.

ha daws

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