Dawson’s Big Fat V-Shaped Hole

sad dForget that cliché of women waiting for the right person/right time to cherry pop. Dawson doesn’t throw his to the wolves until Season 5, which you might’ve blocked from your head because it’s the shittest season by far, the one which inevitably got it cancelled, in which the kids went to college. Note: it’s not a good idea to go to college.

forevervirginThe eternal virgin, Dawson’s mourning his dad’s death (IKR, can this get worse?) Sure, he had the chance to fuck a few people but there was always something off, too much at stake. Re-watching E.T. didn’t provide the answers he hoped it would. And having successfully held off Joey, Jen, Gretchen, Eve and a slew of other nameless, faceless women and bit parts, Dawson goes to college a virtuous, pure, promise-ring worthy stud.joeyp

In contrast, Pacey has slept with most women he’s encountered, including Dawson’s bestie and fellow virgin-for-life Joey Potter. Fist bump. No pun intended.

dawsDawson has no plans to lose it. It’s completely spontaneous, something Dawson rarely is: why do anything when you can spend 18 episodes TALKING about it?

But he loses it. In a moment which fades out half way through, before things get messy/interesting. We can merely fill in the blanks.

And the details? Dawson’s invited Jen to a film festival his documentary is being screened at. He needs support. No one else is available. Everyone at the festival thinks Jen and Dawson are together. They joke that they are, cue slow-mo shots of Jen hair-flicking, Dawson smiling like he just met Buddha or Brad Pitt. Like, either one of those men.

And the catch? The festival’s provided accommodation at this sweet small town B & B, in the fucking HONEYMOON SUITE. Wait, what? They chuckle. What a hilarious thing to happen, guys! How the hell did this happen? But don’t worry, it’s not even awkward. They are like super cool about once having made out so hard it took skin off.jen

So they go to some events. Dawson gets a standing ovation. He thanks his girlfriend Jen (she wears a hat). And at the end of the night they’re sat on their bed in the HONEYMOON SUITE,ezx Jen in super-cute pink pyjamas, Dawson chilling like a boss. This is when Dawson thinks it’s a good time to rehash heartbreak: it’s his favourite subject, next to Spielberg.

He’s figured out the problem, of why it never worked out between them.
– “You were never physically attracted to me,” he tells her.
– “Is that what you think?” she asks him. And it’s easy like an English teacher.

They look at each other. And I mean really LOOK at each other, all art house lingery. Then she leans and kisses him. Because it’s important, when your friend says something inaccurate, to fuck the shit out of them. Or is this pity? We’re all super sorry for Dawson right now. Or it could be the magical powers of the HONEYMOON SUITE; inanimate objects would end up in an unsavoury position in this place.

jen dawson

So Dawson loses his big V in the HONEYMOON SUITE with his first girlfriend, when he’s 19 but could pass for 30, on purple satin sheets. Between them. All slippery soft.

aloneThe scene fades out before the clothes come off which is a fucking loss if you ask me. This show could’ve run for centuries.

And the morning after is worse. Dawson wakes to Jen stroking his head. He says like the worst thing you could ever say after First Time sex. Something to the effect of “People say don’t expect much from your first time. But that was every bit the fantasy.”


Dawson, be cool guy. I mean, WTF?

jen dawson2They snuggle. Later, when they’re about to leave, they have a talk. It’s what Dawson does best (or second best now?)
– “Sex changes everything,” they proclaim.
– “It happened last night and it felt right,” Dawson muses.
They decide to stay in the suite a few more days (for a fuck frenzy? I can only dream.)

Elsewhere in the episode: Pacey has a one night stand with his boss’ wife (somewhat stealing Dawson’s fuck-thunder). Jack sets Audrey up with one of his frat brothers, promises she’s an easy lay. Puritanical Joey steps in. Everyone’s SORRY.



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